The truth will set us free, but it can also cut like a knife-
so how do we share our truth &
actually help some one we care about?

This is why tough love & some interventions don't work:
if the people who corner & accuse the sensitive soul who choosing a self-destructive form of "coping mechanism",  don't take some joint responsibility in the person's need for a "coping mechanism" & only see the "coping mechanism" as the problem, the person as well as the family will have a really hard time healing on any deep levels.  (Sometimes, it's just about upgrading the "coping mechanism" into a healthy one(s) or at least a "coping mechanism" that's not so harmful. However, reprogramming is still needed or as pain is triggered, and one can revert- if the deep inner work has not been done. "Active Meditation" The Western Tradition by Robert R. Liftman, M.D. & Carl Japikse is the best inner "work" reality check type book on meditation & is highly recommended for the whole family in this type of situation, if the whole family sees that they all need to heal, the person and the whole family usually do.

If they think only the person in question has a problem-
It may not be possible for the whole family to grow at this time. 
If someone is fighting growth:
see them surrounded in white light & pray for them daily.
If they are vicious, cut them off & heal yourself for a while and continue to
see them surrounded in white light & pray for them daily.
Then, you may gain strength to help them see what patterns are in the way of the closeness that deep inside everyone longs for-
no matter how manipulated/manipulative they've been, to get what closeness they could in their lives. 
Have a lot of empathy for their past yet, don't allow their mixed up values & behaviors to disturb your peace.  It is yours & no one can take it from you, or give it to you, except you. It's between you & God.
(or Source in the form you understand it.)

So, no matter what anyone has done to you: (with you, taking joint responsibility on a karmic level)

 1. Give them an out with dignity, when ever their is conflict.  Trust their intentions for good & it will enable them to find it in themselves.

 2. Let them know that the growth within each concerned, is more important than being "right". Let go of judgments, we're all just doing the best we can at this "growing up" thing, which continues all our lives. However, don't "let it lie" in the name of resolution, if it is really not resolved.
(If current words & actions show that it is not resolved.)  It is resolved when everyone involved feels it is, and if not- then more resolution needs to happen until everyone does. Rebuilding trust is not easy & for a really cruel disconnection- from someone you cared deeply for & trusted deeply, it may take many connects to prove you can be trusted again.  If you want to heal it, no time can be measured up to it, everyone knows when the silence is no longer heavy with mistrust and the real connection has been made. How can we put a time line on how long that should take.  It can take a second or many years, depending on how honest everyone is with themselves, as well as the others involved, & what the motives & intentions are for the resolution. And most important, the one who do harm to another can never, ever say, "Aren't you over this yet?" Each time they say they are sorry and mean it, a small little bit of trust is built, each time they show it a bit more and the more they grow into being who understand why what they did was wrong to do, the more real trust is built on the person's awakening heart of understanding how to build trust with love and kindness. Patients comes easily if the person is also doing the inner work, not just the one who "wronged" them. This is the basis for an interdependent relationship.

Growing a co-dependant relationship
into an interdependent one

3. Understand that the relationship is it's own being, & needs to be cared for by those involved with it.  Apologize to the relationship when trust has been put into question by either or both involved, that way the emphasis is on growth, not on blame.

4. Focus on what can help out the other, in actions- not so much speech, when ever possible. Be it, continually offer more love & compassion in times of need.  This is the natural reaction when you love someone, and it becomes a naturally reciprocal thing in healthy relationships.  The more we give, the more we are able to be in a giving relationship.