#1 Keeping Agreements – Keeps The Connection
It is really important to keep our agreements both with ourselves and with others. However sometimes we find that an agreement made is not working for us at all and perhaps we got asked to do something that was not really a good thing for us to do. Kind, fair, negotiations are what create a healthy interdependent relationship. Another important part is seeing relationships as in between two people, as it's own entity that must be cared for by those involved. When people see this, they can apologize to the relationship when they argue or “disconnect”.
It’s all about keeping the connection!

#2 CoCreating Interdependent Relationships – Builds Trust
We all need to balance the need for independence and autonomy with the need for support and the reality of how connected we all are and how much we do need each other in some ways. Doing something for someone even when it hurts to do so - is the first sign of being in a co-dependent relationship. A co-dependent relationship is co-dependent because one or both are unable to negotiate or re-negotiate for their valid needs, for whatever reason. So, the second sign is not being able to negotiate or re-negotiate on agreements made if need be. Life happens and we do the best we can – simply being honest and taking responsibility for what happens builds trust. Interdependent relationships allow for an honest flow of negotiations that consider the needs of everyone that’s involved. Everyone one is heard and considered in decisions to whatever extent they have valid points to offer.

Communication happens in the energy between the person and you.. and when a space for that is consciously created the relationship has an interdependent way to bloom.
So in light of that, the first 5 steps are to be done before you talk to the person
who is involved in a conflict with you.
(The Letter Writing Tool is highly recommended)
The idea is to listen to the intention behind what is said.

7 Steps in the Art Of CoCreative Communication

1. How do I begin?
Taking a good look at the big picture -
Awareness of the situations / relationship overview
(Patterns over time – keeping a journal can be a wonderful tool for this.)

2. How am I feeling?
Taking a good look at what I may be adding to the conflict (passive aggressively or co-dependently) and what is my own stuff that I need to process BEFORE I go to the person I am having a conflict with. The Letter Writing Tool is a wonderful way to process ones feelings - especially if the person can't/won't process with us now or perhaps ever.
The unsent letter becomes a way to process our feelings (without causing further conflicts with the person) and serves as re-focusing tool and rehearsal.

3. How are they feeling?
Empathy (interdependent love) for the person, how are they feeling why do they behave in destructive or counter-productive ways?
Sometimes it is our projection of how we think they are feeling – mostly it is important to feel the conflict from their side –
empathy is very powerful.

4. How can I tell them?
How can I tell what I'm feeling/what is happening in our relationship from my perspective ways
without making them feel further disconnection?

5. How can we both compromise to find resolutions
for our heartfelt needs?
Taking time to think about his before we are speaking about it is wonderful preparation. Is there a possible resolution? It is important to have some ideas before we approach the person again. Or, at least be honest that we don’t have any solutions and perhaps together we can come up with some.

6. How & when do we actually speak on these matters?
Choosing the perfect moment to begin with this process with or the other person once it is done for oneself is key to it being resolved more easily. The focus is on fair negotiations for what's best for all concerned through listening a lot to each other's feelings and ideas. First and foremost, it's important to validate the other persons situation - this builds trust
and only then can resolutions be made.

7. How do we make positive constructive processing
so that we find resolutions and cocreate a follow-through plan?
This is the work that happens when the connection is healed. Before the connection is healed the work should not even begin and trying to make it begin before the healing only makes the situation more difficult to reach peace. If you start with the things you agree on and appreciate each other first for what has been offered - then peace is the natural outcome.
Giving the person an "Out With Dignity" and seeing that conflicts are never one-sided. If someone is acting in an unreasonable way and has no desire to be reasonable at this time - it's best to bow out gracefully giving them an a way to see your intentions for peace with them and allowing them to have time to think over the interaction. Sometimes if one does this several times and no resolution has been made - then it may be time to bless them on their way and choose 3 powerful words in those situations,
"Thank you, next..."!
If we handle conflicts and transitions *well..
the upgrade is guaranteed!

3 Steps to Soul Mates and Life Callings

If we handle hard situations well (*loving and without blame)
we are offered upgrades (people who come along with similar traits yet more reasonable towards us - this is not a judgment thing -
it's a discernment thing and about allowing those who do not want to connect with us an out with dignity while taking care of our needs) so that we may continue our path of growth.

This is all about growth - if someone chooses not to grow for now - give them loving support, (perhaps from a distance if need be) and pray for them while envisioning their highest good becoming more present. Then, allow yourself to be open to others who may be able to be there for you in a more balanced way. As we raise our conscious vibrations those of similar vibrations appear. (The nucleus effect - those of like mind are attracted to us - therefore if you want to change who's attracted to you, then begin within and you will receive an upgrade either of the person who grows because of us focusing on the growth within - or because we do this - someone else shows up who is much more willing and able to connect with us.)

In some cases a Transparenting Life Reading may be helpful.
With both birth family and current family dynamics - as well as work place dynamics - and all relationships for that matter - Transparenting Life Readings do more than just offer insights we seek to offer you skills to transform any relationships through understanding how to create "interdependent" relationships.
Through many Transparenting Tools and especially negotiating skills like
The Art of "Disarming the Bully" both within and around us - we come to see the fun,
and continually interesting approach to CoCreative Communication.