I was raised to be Jewish.  This time of year was very confusing for me.
To make matters worse, it was also my birthday time
& of course my birthday got totally overshadowed most of the time.
If people remembered, almost always, I was given one gift for both.

When ever someone kindly wished us a merry Christmas (at a store or something)
my Mom would tell them  "Were Jewish & don't celebrate Christmas."
I always felt left out of all this fun... and the way Jews thought they we're better (chosen) bugged me a lot.
My Mom saw my longings... and finally allowed me to do a few Christmas things with some friends.
I remember the tree decorating we did at our neighbors, it was so cool...
taking out ornaments for each memory.  I loved the whole idea.

The beautiful lights that paraded our street, all except for our house.
Their were some Jews who would put up blue lights & signs that said Happy Chanukah...
and my Mom & Step Dad would bad mouth them, for trying to compete with Christmas.

All of this was very confusing, especially when I found out the truth about Chanukah...
It was never meant to be a big holiday, but because of Christmas, the American Rabbi's decided
to create the story of the miracle of lights that lasted for 8 days.
They thought 8 days of gifts would be much better than just one day of gifts.
Course at my house, (& most of my Jewish friends) it was like, socks one night, a book the next,
one night for charity that we'd pick every year...
(A cool thing but when your seeing your friends with their new bike
& you have some socks, a book, &  chocolate coins with a dradel...
as we are being told how to gamble with it, what's up with that?
I realized then, it just doesn't add up to the songs & decorations everywhere heavily marketing the
"feeling of Christmas" that I wasn't allowed to feel or I was betraying my parents.

Never Lie to your kids if you want honesty from them.

One thing that I did not miss...
it was the lie about Santa Claus.
I think he's a cool character,
especially as a saint who lived to bring happiness to children all over the world.
The story is wonderful, but not the lie...
or the threat that you'll get nothing if you're bad.
If we can't think of healthier ways than fear to
motivate our kids..
lying to them won't help, so think again.

Because we never had Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny as well,
my parents felt like they had to make up for it with
"The Tooth Fairy".
That would have been cool to talk about with them...
a tooth fairy isn't a dangerous idea... it wasn't that they did it, but how.

I started talking to kids at school & they all told me it wasn't true.
I kept defending my parents saying they wouldn't lie to me.
I kept asking them & they kept promising me that it was true.
When I found out that it was a big elaborate lie.
(They wrote me notes & it looked just like my step father's hand writing
& again they denied it.)
When I finally got them to admit it was a lie,
I felt so betrayed & I never believed them in the same way.
It was a HUGE dis-connect & not only that,
they had taught me to lie... & not to trust them.
(This became even more evident in my teen years...  can we talk!)

When a child is small everything can be magical,
so let them take the lead.
Now with our son, we talk about all kind of things like... nature fairies, angels, ghosts...
We make sure he's holding these ideas in an empowering way for himself
(not fear-based) & then, we stay out of the way.
We ask him to tell us what they look like, & we imagine together, we only jump in when he asks us to,
or when he's a bit stuck & needs gentle suggestions to get him going again.
Then, it's something we share & it connects us, rather than lies which disconnect us.
No lies every need be told to have a wonderful, mystical, enchanting time imagining with your child.

Also remember: to let your kids have their own imaginary friends,
they don't need our help, but they do need our support & how you respond to it,
will be a big part in how they relate to their own imagination...
for the rest of their lives.

They can tell when, you think they're being cute,
but are only patronizing them with a big smile that doesn't really believe it.
Most important is not to over do it,
by asking them about it all the time, this only proves that you don't believe it &
that it's all about you (your entertainment) not them (& what's going on inside of them).

Read: The Drama Of The Gifted Child" by Alice Miller, if this sounds like it could be how you grew up.

Also note what's happening in your home when the imaginary character arrives, what's going on really?
It could be a cry for help.  The most important thing is that they feel safe.
Especially, if there are other siblings involved.
If there are things happening to them that you can control, do so.
If you can't, keep telling them they are protected in a way that makes sense with your beliefs.
As you ensure their safety,
spend even more time just holding them
and listening to their thoughts or in silence healing their insecurities
with safe visualizations, prayers & loving vibes.

Allow them to make up the story with you when you story tell or do visualizations...
Ask leading questions... make believe together.

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